Danny Thomas TV Special - Dialogue
(transcript provided by Alan R.)
On June 10, 1969, Luke Halpin taped a TV special starring Danny Thomas.
The following is the excerpt of the script featuring Luke.
Luke appeared as part of a sketch featuring the cast of the old
Make Room for Daddy TV series, with Danny Thomas as cantankerous "Danny
Williams", Marjorie Lord as his wife, "Kathy", and Angela Cartwright as their
daughter, "Linda". Luke played the new guest role of Linda's boyfriend, "Jeffrey".
The scene of the sketch is that the parents see that Linda is upset over
something that happened between her and Jeffrey the previous night. Privately,
Linda confides to her mother that it's because Jeffrey didn't ask her
to a dance the coming night. The mother is relieved that that is all it
is. Danny, meanwhile, not hearing this, ponders the situation to himself,
to wit:
Danny: What's this top secret conference all of a sudden? What could have
happened with her and Jeffrey last night? They just went to the movies!
It can't be anything to worry about... If it's nothing to worry about,
why won't they let me in on it? I know why they won't let me in on it
— because it's something to worry about! What happened between her
and Jeffrey? What could have happened? Linda's a good girl. Jeffrey comes
from a fine family. I like Jeffrey. He's a decent kid. Just like I was
when I was his age... [Danny does take.] I'll kill him. That long-haired
dune buggy Casanova. I'll kill him!
(Doorbell. Danny opens door. Jeffrey enters.)
Jeffrey: Good evening, Mr. Williams.
Danny: I'll kill you! (Grabs Jeffrey by the lapels.) What happened between
you and my daughter last night?
Jeffrey: I just took her to a movie, Mr. Williams.
Danny: What kind of movie did you take her to? M for Mature audiences?
Disney isn't good enough for you.
[Note: "M" was the forerunner of "PG" today, although its designation
of ‘Mature' might tend to give it a more severe connotation, as implied
in the sketch; perhaps this is why it was later changed.]
Jeffrey: Mr. Williams! You're going to tear my jacket.
Danny: I'll tear more than that before I'm through.
Jeffrey: Please! You're messing my hair — I just sprayed it!
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| Luke Halpin, with Danny Thomas |
Jeffrey: I had to walk her home.
(Kathy and Linda enter.)
Kathy: Danny!
*** (It can be seen that this is the moment depicted in the publicity photo.) ***
Danny: Nobody treats my daughter that way! She's my little girl and I love her and I'm not about to let... Something awful must have happened.
Linda: Daddy! Just because he didn't ask me to the dance tonight is no reason to treat him this way.
Danny: You keep out of this. I'll... [take] He didn't ask you to a dance? That's what happened?
Kathy: Yes. That's all that happened.
Jeffrey: Yes.
Kathy: What did you think happened?
Danny: Well, I, I, I, I...
Jeffrey: What do you mean, I didn't ask you to the dance? I called this morning and said I was going to pick you up tonight at seven. That's why I'm here.
Linda (happy smile): You called this morning?
Jeffrey: Sure. After I left you last night, it hit me that I didn't ask you officially, so I called first thing this morning. You were in the shower. Didn't you get my message?
Linda: No, I didn't. I had no idea you called.
Jeffrey: Well, I left a message.
Danny (to Kathy): You know, I've told you a hundred times...when you get a message, write it down. You always forget.
Kathy: But I don't remember getting a call.
Danny: Sure you don't. You never remember. That's why you should write it down.
Jeffrey: But, Mr. Williams, I didn't talk to your wife. I gave you the message.
Danny: You...you...gave me the message?
Jeffrey: Yes, sir.
Danny: Oh yeah, now I remember. Linda, Jeffrey called this morning and said he'll be taking you to the dance tonight.
Linda: I'll be dressed in a few minutes. [Exits.]
Jeffrey: Okay, I'll wait for you outside.
Danny: That's silly — you don't have to wait outside.
Jeffrey: I'd rather. [Exits.]
Danny: Clancy, before you say anything, I can explain. [Kathy kisses him.] Hey, what's that for?
Kathy: Just kissing my husband. It's the only sure way I ever found to keep his big mouth shut. [She kisses him again.]
[FINIS]